I've been doing a whole lot of thinking this past month about whether or not I should continue to care for my mother. I keep thinking to myself, "What the heck do I owe her? She has been so terrible to me, she doesn't deserve anything!" So many different and random thoughts keep popping up in my head about how I should just stop. I've gone into debt taking care of her. I haven't been able to do the things I'd really like to do. I am exhausted and tired 24/7! I am just completely overwhelmed!!! Then I ask to myself, "Why am I doing this?" As I ponder that question over and over again on a daily basis I am lead back to the same conclusion...Jesus!
Do I owe my mother anything? No! But I owe it to Jesus. He saved me and helped me see His love. He died for me so that I could live. He was walking with me in the midst of the storm that raged throughout my childhood. He continues to walk with me in the presence of my daily troubles. He knows the trauma I continue to endure. He has never forsaken me. It is not my mother who I struggle with but it is the flesh of this world. Demonic powers that are unseen are what cause frustration and chaos in my life. But even with all the wrestling that is going on, I am constantly reminded that it is not I who fight this fight. It is the spirit within me that dances with what keeps trying to pull me down. That Spirit wins every single time! Because of that I have peace in the midst of the chaos!